


The Festival

by AshaDev



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Costumes, Jealousy, M/M, Renaissance Faires, Vampire Hunters, Vampire Slayer(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:48:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25123444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshaDev/pseuds/AshaDev
Summary: Guillermo goes to a Renaissance Faire with the Mosquito Collectors of the Tri-State Area and unfortunately, the group tags along. Nandor doesn't approve of Guillermo's friends or how they hang all over him.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz & Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 50
Kudos: 231





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was completely random, wrote it as a stream of consciousness, and now I'm questioning my sanity. Apologies in advance for editing.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I've only seen the show once through, so please correct any mistakes!
> 
> Ever since Harvey suggested that the ship might be real, I've been thinking about these two!

They flew to him like bats out of hell, and in Laszlo’s case, literally.

“Finally!” sighed Nadja as she waltzed quickly down the hallway toward the front door.

Guillermo stood still at the doorway, a bag of snacks in one hand and his keys and earphones dangling from the other. “Um…”

He saw Nandor’s silhouette behind Nadja, his cape billowing behind him. Laszlo screeched in his batform and transformed back into his human form in front of Guillermo.

“Hey! Wait a minute!” Nadja exclaimed. “Where are the virgins?!”

Laszlo glanced behind Guillermo past the open door. “Gizmo, where the hell are they?”

“Um…” Guillermo said again and then he shook himself and closed the door. “What are you guys talking about? I didn’t bring any food. It’s my day off, remember?” At this, he looked at Nandor who was standing still and looking just as confused as the others.

“But we smell them, Guillermo.” Nandor said, walking closer. “At least…” he paused, “hmm, three.”

“I think four.” Laszlo said, lifting his head up to smell. “Yes, four!”

“Ugh! He doesn’t have them! What is the meaning of this, Gizmo!” Nadja put her hands on her hips. “Nandor! Your familiar is being downright negligent!”

“Now, now,” Nandor said calmly, “I’m sure Guillermo has a perfectly good explanation on why he has clearly been around virgins but didn’t bring them to us. Isn’t that right, Guillermo?” Nandor looked at him expectantly.

“There are no virgins. It’s my day off. I have a life outside of this house, you know.” Guillermo sighed. “I was just hanging out with some friends.” The vampire hunters weren’t really his friends yet, but he thought they could be. Tonight, they had invited him to do something less hunter-y and more social and they had gone out to check out the local costume shop. They had taken turns trying out funny hats and heavy coats. Guillermo supposed that’s why the smell was so strong. It was hot in the store and sharing a sweaty metal helmet with velvet lining was probably not that sanitary. “I’m going to my room now,” he said as he rearranged his things and put his keys on the key holder. He ignored the offended splutterings from Nadja and Laszlo. Nandor didn’t say anything at first. Guillermo took a step toward his stairwell cubby but then Nandor stopped him.

“Guillermo, it’s quite rude not to bring such tasty virgins home. What exactly were you doing with these ‘friends’, hmmm?” Nandor’s pupils grew slightly and Guillermo knew he was hungry. But fuck it, he wasn’t going to give in and go find him a snack. It was his day _off_.

“We were just hanging out. I’ll bring you something—er, someone to eat tomorrow.” Guillermo shuffled away before he could cave into Nandor’s cravings. The other two could go fuck themselves anyway.

“You see!” Laszlo said as Guillermo walked away. “It was a bad idea giving him a day off!”

Guillermo closed his bedroom curtain behind him and put his earbuds back on as he went through his snacks. He bit into a piece of jerky and pulled up his laptop. He typed out a message to the Discord group. His costume alterations would be ready by Monday, and he still had to polish up his accessories, but it was all coming together. He smiled as he sent the message.

‘Looking forward to Ren Fest. Vampire weekend, here we come.’

Seconds later, his screen pinged with excited exclamations and a thing from Derek about a possible orgy on the camp-grounds afterhours. Everyone immediately told him to shut up.

Truth be told, Guillermo wasn’t really into that geeky stuff (he tried hard not to think about the LARPer Jenna and her fate) but he could put his reservations aside for the sake of actual friendships. It’s not like he didn’t dress up, albeit as a vampire, since he was 10, and as recently, and embarrassingly, as 22. Now though, it would be a little different. He almost felt guilty about it but then he looked at the mock-up the store clerk gave him. “I’m going to look so cool,” he whispered.

\---

The package was extremely lame looking. He almost rolled his eyes. It had some stupid “vampire deterrent” sigils marked on it with sharpie and dumb Latin phrases that meant nothing to anyone but the pope. He tore it up and pulled out the long trench coat and the chest rig. “Yesss.” He said to himself as he strapped on his outfit. Simple, but badass. He turned to look himself in the little mirror and smiled. His guilt would have to come back another day. He was missing just a few more things and he walked over to his mini fridge.

“Guillermo!” Nandor shouted just outside the room. Guillermo practically slammed the mini fridge door off its hinges.

“Ye-yes, Master?” Guillermo turned to face Nandor as he walked in.

“I need a French ‘Press’,” he declared, “Tonight, I’ll be having French food and I would like to see what this press is all about. I heard it’ll tenderize for easier extraction!” he said excitedly.

“Oh, um, Master, a French Press is a small container to make coffee. It’s not for humans.” Guillermo always felt a mixture of exasperation and tenderness when Nandor’s ignorance and imagination led him to these situations. How could a vampire this old not know so many basic things about the world, especially after living in New York City for this long.

“What? But Colin Robinson said it was really good for extraction!” Nandor looked put out.

“I’m sorry, Master.” Guillermo offered.

“Well, nevermind then.” Nandor shrugged then he looked at his familiar up and down. “Guillermo, what is that you have on? Is this another one of your cold clothes ‘snuggly’?” Guillermo had had to explain to the group that he needed heat in the winter and had to explain the purpose of a Snuggie.

“No, Master. It’s just a coat.” Guillermo said, straightfaced and easily. He knew Nandor well enough that he wouldn’t figure it out, but he didn’t want to give him any reason to suspect.

“Hmm, it’s not too terrible looking.” Nandor said. He seemed to be admiring the fabric. “Too light for me though.” And he moved his shoulders so that his heavy cape undulated slowly.

“Yes, Master.”

“Nandor, the food is almost here!” Laszlo shouted a few feet away and then he was also standing and looking at Guillermo. “Oh.” His eyes traced the line of the coat. “That’s not bad.”

“Er…” Guillermo responded. The coat was cool, but not that cool.

“Hold on, it smells distinctly like a virgin.” Laszlo said suddenly. “Where did you get that?”

Now Guillermo was fidgeting. “A costume shop.”

“A costume shop? Like for a party?” Laszlo said, intrigued.

“Yeah, I guess.” Guillermo shrugged.

“Who’s going to a party?” said Nadja, who had appeared behind Laszlo.

“Gizmo is all dressed up for some kind of shindig, darling.” Laszlo pointed at Guillermo.

“A party?” Nandor now said, curious. “You are not off today, Guillermo.” He squinted his eyes slightly.

“I know, I was just trying it on for this Saturday.”

“Where are we going?” came a dull voice from behind everyone.

“There’s a costume party on Saturday night!” Nadja responded to Colin Robinson.

“Oh, fun!” Colin Robinson said.

“No. No, guys. It’s not a costume party. It’s a human thing. It’s not, it’s not for vampires.” Guillermo struggled to keep his cool. They were always so damn nosy and so ridiculous.

“Well, that’s quite rude, Gizmo.” Nadja exclaimed.

“And it smells like a virgin! So you’re clearly going somewhere with virgins!”

“Jesus! I’m going to the Ren Fest! It’s human only!”

“Ohhhh, the Ren Fest!” Colin Robinson spoke up, “Did you know that the first renaissance fair was held in this city and was later marketed by the Hallmark company?” Colin Robinson went out for a while to explain the detailed history of ren faires and the other vampires blinked at him for a few moments before Laszlo interrupted him.

“Does that mean it’s full of virgins?”

“Oh yeah. Full of them.” Colin Robinson smiled, slightly mischievously.

Nadja clapped, “Ohh, but that sounds like so much fun! Dinner and a show!”

“So it’s settled then!” Laszlo beamed, his hands in his vest pockets.

“What?! Guys, no! It’s my day off! You can’t come!” Guillermo rushed to say, as the vampires started to get excited.

"What do you mean, Guillermo? We can go wherever we like.” Nandor tutted.

“But Master, it’s my day off. You promised.” Guillermo pleaded.

“I’m not going to make you work. We’ll just be going the same day and time you are.” Nandor smiled.

The vampires then started to talk loudly about their costumes and what kind of virgins they would find at the faire. Colin Robinson wondered out loud what vendor he could feed on all day and talk about their wares and how _actually_ , there was a better way to make whatever it is they make.

“Oh god.” Guillermo held his head.

A second later, the doorbell rang. The caterers from the expensive, authentic French restaurant across town had arrived. It was a shame all that food would be left untouched.

Guillermo sighed again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another stream of consciousness writing, mostly. I had imagined this story would be just two short chapters, but clearly that's not what my brain wants.

The rest of the week was miserable. Guillermo had hoped that everyone would have forgotten about it, but then two days later, Colin Robinson decided to walk into the main living room wearing a full suit of medieval armor. Nandor happily retold the story of how the suit had belonged to some knight that he had stabbed a few times through the chest. The 40-plus holes were all over the armor though, even the ass. Guillermo shook his head.

The vampires were all impressed as Colin Robinson clonked and clanked around stiffly and spoke in a pretty good fake English accent. Then he went on a long monologue about Robin Hood movies and bad casting.

“What will _we_ wear, my love?” Nadja leaned over from the sofa to squeeze Laszlo’s hand next to her. “We must dress up. That is part of the fun, no?” Nadja looked over at Guillermo, who was standing next to a seated Nandor. Guillermo, for his part, was trying hard not to sigh for the millionth time, especially since Nandor complained that it was disturbing him.

“If you want.” Guillermo said, monotone.

“We could go as 19th century European nobility! A baron and baroness!” Laszlo smiled.

“But where will we get costumes this late? Should we call up, oh what’s his name…Aiken? Aldger?”

“Alcott. No, my dear, we ate him around 1894, I believe.” Laszlo pursed his lips.

“Well, we can’t go like _this_ , obviously.” Nadja spread her hands to indicate their clothes. “It’s way too modern. We won’t fit in at all. People will stare!”

Guillermo coughed out a laugh.

“What’s so funny, Guillermo?” Nandor said, looking up from admiring his one-hundred-ruby-encrusted knife he had pulled out from his curio display. He admired it every few years, each time acting as if he was seeing it for the first time and spent hours looking at it. He had taken it from the belt of a noble warrior that he then stabbed a few times. Guillermo suspected it had been more than a few.

“Nothing, Master.” Guillermo responded.

Nandor set down the blade. “Perhaps I need to look for a costume too.” Nandor looked up in thought. “I have so little to wear. I’ll need an entire outfit! Guillermo, why didn’t you tell us about this faire sooner?” Nandor looked at him, slightly irritated. “I need at least a year to get a decent outfit made! You know how hard it was to obtain good Caspian seal last time!”

“That’s because they are endangered, Master.” Guillermo grimaced. Procuring that seal fur was one of the more cringe-worthy things he had done as a familiar.

“I don’t care if they are endangered! I need a good costume!” Nandor whined.

“Why don’t you look through the outfits in your chests? There are several that I believe you have never worn.”

“That’s a great idea.” Nandor lit up, apparently having completely forgotten he had an entire section of the house full of very old, dusty, expensive clothes. “Bring them to me, Guillermo.”

“All of them?” Guillermo asked, immediately regretting saying anything.

“Yes, yes, bring them all. I need to see and inspect them!”

“Right away, Master…” Guillermo pressed his lips firmly together to stop the sigh just behind his throat.

“Oh, we should go through our old things too! Maybe we kept something vintage!” Laszlo said and stood up.

“Yes! Wonderful!” Nadja excitedly followed him up the stairs.

Meanwhile, Guillermo trudged to the oft-forgotten part of the mansion and began to bring out all the outfits tucked away in chests and closets. Most of them were at least 25 lbs, made of exotic fabrics, silks, pelts, and furs. Many, Guillermo noted, were made from animals that were now definitely extinct.

Nandor walked around and looked at every outfit one by one. By the time Guillermo finished bringing out everything, the entire living room, music room, and parlor were covered in clothes. Guillermo leaned against the wall and took a few tired breaths, sweat beading down his temples and neck.

It was another 2 hours before Nandor chose a dark blue, fur-lined coat with black silk fasteners and small, golden flowers woven into an elaborate pattern. Guillermo took it from him and began to walk toward the basement laundry room to painstakingly wash, brush, and steam the coat.

“Where are you going, Guillermo, look at the mess you’ve made with all these clothes. You need to put them up.” Nandor pointed at the clothes scattered everywhere, most of which he himself had grabbed, opened, inverted, and thrown down without a second thought.

“But Master, it’s almost morning. I can clean it up after I wash this for you.” Guillermo was exhausted and the circles under his eyes were becoming pronounced. He didn’t have to look in the mirror to know he probably looked half dead, and not in the way he wanted.

Nandor furrowed his brow for a moment and then relaxed it. “Very well, Guillermo. You may go.” He shooed him away and Guillermo nodded, going down to the basement.

He was in the middle of steaming a particularly stubborn lapel into submission when Nandor called for him.

“ _Mierda_.” Guillermo hurriedly turned off the steamer and hung up the coat. He had lost track of time and it was surely a few minutes to morning now. He climbed the stairs quickly and headed to Nandor’s bedroom, but he stopped short just as he was passing the living room. He stared and blinked.

All the clothes were gone. He couldn’t process what he was seeing, or rather not seeing, for a moment and his mind began to turn to think up of an explanation. Thieves? Ghosts? Sleep-deprivation induced hallucination?

“Guillermo!” Nandor bellowed. The familiar jumped and hurried on to his Master.

Nandor was standing near his coffin, clearly on the verge of anger, with his arms crossed. “You are getting careless.” He opened his arms, stretched out, so that Guillermo could disrobe him and put him to bed.

“I’m sorry, Master.” Guillermo said absently. Surely, it wasn’t Nandor who put up all the clothes. Nandor had once told Guillermo to pull out a piece of hair from his teeth while in the middle of eating an environmentalist hippie, because he couldn’t be bothered to reach up and pull it out himself. He couldn’t have done this.

“ _Guillermo._ ” Nandor said, irritated. Guillermo looked up and realized he had spaced out.

“Sorry.” He could see just a faint trace of the sky beginning to lighten. He hurried as he put Nandor’s gown on him and opened up the coffin for him to climb into. Once Nandor settled in, Guillermo stared at him.

“What is it, Guillermo?” Sleepiness now started to crawl its way into Nandor’s voice and his eyes were half-closed already.

“Um, the clothes. Did you put them away?”

Nandor looked at him for a second and then crossed his arms over his chest, looking straight up. “I have no idea what you are talking about, Guillermo. Now close the door or I’m going to get crispy, like a, like a…churrizo.”

“A churro, you mean.”

“Yes, yes, a churro. Close the door, Guillermo.” Nandor shut his eyes and waited. Guillermo then shut the coffin slowly and simply looked, his hand still on the lid. “I can hear you breathing.”

“Yes, Master.” Guillermo stepped back, then proceeded to shut all the curtains and blow out the candle, plunging the room into darkness. He smiled, just a little, as he left the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guyyyys. Wow. I'm so thankful for your wonderful comments. I'm honestly shocked at the response. Thank you! They have made my whole dang day.
> 
> Now I feel pressure to keep writing, even though I'm making it up as I go and haven't even done a basic draft! Ahhh! I hope to keep you all interested and entertained.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

Even on the day of the festival, he had hoped that the vampires would just forget and move on to the next thing that caught their attention, as they were prone to do.

He had been texting the vampire hunters all day, apologizing that he had to go to the faire so late. The plan had been to meet early at headquarters, suit up, get pre-drinks, and drive the 40 minutes to the fairgrounds together. It had sounded like fun. He sat on his bed and looked wistfully at Shanice’s new Instagram post of the group in the van in their costumes. ‘Road trip! #renfest2020 #vampireweekend #killallvampires #badasses’

Instead, even though it was his day off, Nandor had nearly pleaded that Guillermo help him get dressed for the event. Guillermo eventually agreed on the condition that any time he spent working could be used as time off on another day of his choosing. Nandor protested, but then reluctantly agreed when it was obvious his familiar was not going to back down. Nandor made sure to comment often on his extreme benevolence as a master. Nadja just clicked her tongue and told Nandor that he was going to spoil him to the point that Guillermo would be bossing _them_ around.

It didn’t feel like a victory for Guillermo though.

He breathed deeply. It was 6pm already so he put away his phone and put on the finishing touches of his costume. He carefully hid the wooden stakes in his bag. At the last minute, he changed his glasses out for contacts and slicked his curls to the side. He looked up at his reflection and couldn’t help but think that he looked pretty damn good.

He headed over to Nandor’s room where he was sitting and admiring a big gold ring on his finger. “Ah, Guillermo, just in time,” he said happily and looked up. For a split second, he stopped talking and his lips parted slightly. Then he continued, “I think now is a good time to get ready?”

“Yes, I need to go in about 30 minutes.” Guillermo said and hurried over to the closet where the outfit hung.

“30 minutes?? But I thought we were all going together!” Nandor whined.

“I already told you, I’m not going with you guys. I’m hanging out with my friends. Plus, Nadja and Laszlo will just try boss me around all night. Colin will drive you.” Guillermo began to dress his master, while Nandor remained silent and brooded. Guillermo ignored him and quickly got him into his outfit. “Okay, just the coat left.”

Nandor waved Guillermo out of the way and walked over where the coat lay on the chaise. He threw it on like a cape in one elegant swoop where it settled on his broad shoulders perfectly. Guillermo stared.

“Yes, this will do nicely. It is definitely appropriate for this renaissance festival, don’t you think, Guillermo?”

Guillermo nodded, “Yeah.” He said a bit distracted by the attractive cut of the coat on the massive vampire. “Okay, yeah. I mean, okay, if you’re all set then, I’m heading out.” Guillermo bent down to grab his bag.

“Wait, I still have to put on my necklace.” Nandor said, almost panicked.

“I already put it on you, Master.” Guillermo looked down at the vampire’s neck where the gold ornate necklace hung.

Nandor looked down too. “Oh. Yes.” He looked around, as if trying to find something.

“Master, I need to go.” Guillermo slung his bag over his shoulder and headed for the door. “Have fun tonight. And please remember not to eat anyone. I mean, don’t kill anyone when feeding. It’ll cause too many problems and I won’t be able to clean up.”

“Ye-s,” Nandor said tiredly, as if he had heard it a million times, “I knooow. It is so annoying.” He rolled his eyes.

“Okay, well, bye.” Guillermo walked out and thought he heard Nandor about to say something. He kept walking otherwise he’d never make it in time for the big event.

\--

“Hey! Nice costume!” Someone shouted as Guillermo walked down the long lit-up path of the huge parking lot toward the main entrance. He smiled and straightened up a bit. The place was full of hopeless geeks, LARPers, reluctant parents, and goth punks. He briefly thought how the vampires would go crazy when they arrived. He shook his head at himself. No vampires tonight, just friends and fun.

He texted the group as he got closer and when he bought his ticket, the guy at the booth smiled at him. “Cool outfit, man.” The man looked at him intently and smiled a little wider. Guillermo turned slightly red and thanked him before heading to the big arch entrance that greeted everyone ‘Renaissance Festival 2020.’ A smaller sign underneath showed the themes for the season: Thanksgiving, Highlands, Witches & Wizards, Vampire Nights, and Christmas Feast. The entire grounds were lit up with several lanterns, candles, and streetlamps. It honestly almost felt like he was in another world and time. An escape.

He heard his name and turned to see the group walking toward him. They looked way too happy and were very likely already drunk.

“Guillermo! Dude!” Claude greeted him. “You look freaking cool, man.” Claude was dressed in a long black leather trench coat and had several black painted wooden stakes strapped to his chest and belt. He had a bow and arrow on his back. The rest of the group were dressed in similar clothes – long coats, wooden stakes, silver crosses, and even sunglasses. Guillermo knew it was embarrassingly geeky, but he also felt a sense of camaraderie. He felt part of… _something_.

As the first order of business, they all went off to find him a big drink. By the time they made their way down to the competition arena, Guillermo was pleasantly warm and loose. 

“All I’m saying is that he wore sunglasses because he was a vampire!” Tonya was saying to Derek, moving her hands around in the air.

“But he was also a vampire _hunter_! And besides, they look cool!” Derek said as he pushed his sunglasses up his nose.

“Can you even see with those on?” Shanice asked, giggling and leaning heavily into Guillermo for support. She had already had two large tankards of beer.

“Okay, man, you ready?” Claude turned to look at Guillermo as they stopped in front of the arena. There were several people already forming a crowd and a few contestants standing near the stage. One was even stretching.

“I’m ready,” responded Guillermo, determined and nodded.

“Oh, this is going to be so sweet.” Derek wrapped his arm around Guillermo’s shoulders. “You’re gonna kill it, De la Cruz.”

The announcement came and the contestants were asked to line up. Guillermo made his way to the stage where was handed the wooden bow and arrow. After the rules were explained, the crowd counted down to one and then a flurry of brightly colored arrows flew as cardboard vampires popped in and out of the shooting range.

Guillermo hit every single one.

The crowd stared in silent awe until Derek yelled out “FUCK YEAH!” and then the crowd followed, clapping, whooping, and hollering.

Guillermo beamed and accepted the grand prize of a dozen free beer tokens and decorative beer mug, as the group stormed the stage and shook him with joy. He felt buzzed, happy, and almost proud. He looked around at his friends and smiled wide as they kept cheering him on. Then he saw the unmoving, imposing silhouette just beyond the crowd, darkened by a streetlamp from behind. But Guillermo didn’t need to see his face to know it was Nandor.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly longer chapter. 
> 
> I have no idea what I'm doing, guys. But thank you so much for your truly lovely comments. Y'all are so kind.

His heart thumped hard and his skin heated with overwhelming panic, not helped by the small amount of alcohol coursing through his blood. He looked on, hearing the jubilation around him, but not processing it.

Nandor just stood there. It was hard to know by the line of his shoulders whether he was furious or just very angry.

“-ermo! Guillermo!”

He looked at Derek who was squeezing his arm. “Dude, you drunk?” he smiled crookedly at him.

“We need to get him wasted!” shouted Shanice and then the group was moving down the stage, spurring Guillermo on with them. He lost sight of Nandor and tried to look back, but he couldn’t see over Claude, who was holding on to his shoulders from behind and pushing him forward, laughing. Guillermo felt weak and could only allow himself to be pushed on.

They made it to the nearest tavern a few yards away and a large bar wench came over, her breasts pushed up high. “Well, hey there.” She smiled cheekily at the table and proceeded to sit on Guillermo’s lap. “I saw you from down here hit all those targets.” She brushed one curl away from his face. Guillermo didn’t know how to react. He didn’t really care for people sitting on his lap, for one. Her breasts were a little distracting too.

Tonya’s eyes were locked on the woman’s chest for a moment before she looked up and said “Yeah! He’s a motherfuckin’ vampire hunter! Guillermo, give her some of the coins so we can get drinks!”

“Oh. Yeah.” Guillermo pulled out his little coin pouch and took out the wooden tokens. The wench pushed her chest forward. Guillermo frowned in confusion.

“Com’on, put them in.” she smiled and winked at him.

“No, I’m good.” Guillermo said simply.

Tonya scrambled forward and took the tokens from his hand and happily deposited them down the wench’s cleavage. The group laughed and joked around, while Guillermo slowly looked around them.

“Man, I love this place!” Tonya said excitedly as the wench promptly came back with mugs overflowing with frothy beer.

“We better watch this one or else we’re going to have to carry her!” said Derek, who sat next to Guillermo.

Guillermo took big swigs of his beer while nervously surveying their surroundings. Soon, the alcohol took hold and he began to relax into the flow of conversation. As Derek lolled his head onto his shoulder, Guillermo looked up and saw Nandor standing across the street, looking at him. Guillermo’s fear struck him with sobering clarity. Somehow, he thought Nandor would just, well, he didn’t know what Nandor would do. He was a once-murdering, ruthless conqueror who now seemed to have regressed into a child at times, and an old man at others. It was so extremely rare to see him truly mad. Guillermo wondered if it was because he obviously spent so many years in a state of anger, or maybe he was just stupid.

Guillermo set his mug down and stared back at Nandor, whose deep black eyes glittered in the light. Neither of them moved.

“So we should start in about, what? 15 minutes?” he heard Claude say. Guillermo glanced over at Claude.

“What?”

“The hunt.” Claude said, his voice now strangely serious.

“The hunt for what?” he said and looked around at the group, who was trying to be serious, but were beyond wasted.

“We came here to hunt real vampires, of course. They have been known to frequent Ren faires in the past. Easy pickings, y’know? Those blood suckers are everywhere.” Claude said, lowering his voice and scowling.

Guillermo, for his part, appreciated the fact that he didn’t immediately spray out his beer. “What?! You guys are going to hunt? Tonight?! I thought this was just going to be a fun night! You can’t hunt vampires here!”

“There is noth-nothing fun ‘bout vampires, Guillermooo.” Shanice clasped her wobbly hand on his shoulder from across the table. “Nothing fun.”

“How are you going to fight vampires when you’re so drunk!” Guillermo exclaimed, now getting stressed out.

“Eeeeasy,” Derek said, still cradling his head on Guillermo’s shoulder, “We got you, my man. You rock. Did I tell you that? Cause you do. You rock.” He smiled a little sleepily at him.

“No, no, no. Guys. This is stupid. We can’t hunt vampires here. That’s insane.” Guillermo said.

“Nah, it’ll be fine. It’ll be FINE.” Tonya said, resting her head face down on the table.

“Guys, it’s dark out. Vampires have _night_ vision. And we are all either drunk or not sober enough to shoot straight. And, and we’re slow. We’d be like fish in a barrel for them.” Guillermo went on, hoping to get through to them and wondering how these _pinche_ _idiotas_ have survived so long.

“Oh. Night vision.” Derek said, wrinkling his forehead. “That’s right. We can’t see in the dark.” And as if to show everyone, he took off his sunglasses. “Like, definitely can’t see shit.” Then he giggled.

“I told youuu those glasses were stupid.” Shanice said, smirking.

“Is anyone else hungry? We should get some of those giant-ass turkey legs.” Tonya said, muffled by the table.

“Oo! Turkey legs!” Derek lifted his head. “Let’s go. Oh my god. I need one. Right now!”

Then they were all suddenly standing and making their wobbly way down to the nearest turkey stand. Guillermo was thankful for the distraction. As they all munched on their giant legs, about half a dozen faeries passed by, playing flutes and mandolins, dancing and skipping down the path. A few people were following them excitedly.

Derek gaped then shouted, “It’s them!” and he ran after the dancers. The group looked at each other momentarily before running after Derek.

When they caught up, half eaten turkeys in hand, they approached a large bonfire that the faeries danced around and people began to sit.

“What is this?” Shanice asked, looking around with uninhibited wonder.

“It’s the Minstrel Faeries of Fire!” Derek said as he found them a place to sit on one of the large wooden logs that surrounded the pit.

Guillermo sat, watching the show, then the music stopped abruptly as something was thrown into the pit and the flames burst up, blue, green, and purple. The small crowd ooh’d and grew silent.

Then a low flute began to play, seductive and slow. In a puff of smoke, a woman appeared clad in a deep red and gold bedazzled silk top, revealing her entire torso, and a matching skirt, a gaping slit down one leg. She began to gyrate her hips slowly to the flute. Then the beat of sharp drum joined and her hips began to move more and more as the beat got faster. The crowd was mesmerized as the belly dancer swayed and popped and moved her body in incredible ways.

Guillermo felt Derek push up close to him and he looked over. Derek was smiling at him. “Pretty good, huh?” he whispered.

“Yeah, it’s great.” Guillermo responded. His social skills weren’t the best, but he had the feeling that Derek was doing more than just asking him a question.

He looked back up at the dancer and through the flames behind her, behind the shadows of the crowd, stood Nandor. Guillermo took a deep breath. He now wondered what Nandor was doing and why he hadn’t already ordered Guillermo to go home where he would be punished for his gross display of violence against vampires, albeit cardboard ones. He watched his Master through the flames, feeling Derek snuggle up closer to him and move his hand down his arm. Then Nandor was gone and half a second later, Derek yelped and Guillermo found himself in near darkness, hovering just above the ground, several feet away from the bonfire. He looked up at Nandor, who was holding him up easily by the lapels of his coat. Nandor just watched him, his eyes large, dark, and intense. Eyes that chilled Guillermo down to his bones because they were the eyes of hunger.

“Master.” He breathed. “Don’t.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the sorry state of this chapter. I am exhausted and couldn't think straight while writing this. Errors, ahoy!
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking around and reading!

Nandor looked at him, unblinking, and the darkness in his eyes seemed to swallow Guillermo whole. Then the vampire moved his head to the side and the intensity dissipated, replaced with confusion that settled in his brow.

“Do what, Guillermo?” He asked, curiously.

Guillermo was still too frazzled to speak and he just looked at Nandor with a please-spare-my-life look.

“Helloooo? Guillermooo?” said Nandor, lifting an eyebrow.

“Don’t eat me.” Guillermo finally said, some life coming back to him once he realized that Nandor wasn’t inching closer to rip out his throat.

Nandor moved his head back in surprise. “Eat you?! Why would I eat you? I already had dinner.” Nandor then eased Guillermo the two inches to the ground and let go. “Why are you being so silly, Guillermo.” He chided.

“I…just. Your eyes.” Guillermo finally felt calm. “They are all, y’know.” He wiggled his fingers in front of his eyes, as if that was would show Nandor what his eyes looked like. “I mean, they were all hungry-looking, like when you don’t eat for a while.”

“Nooo, you’re imagining things. Eat you. You’re my familiar!” He shook his head and chuckled. “My clothes aren’t going to iron themselves, you know.”

Guillermo frowned. “Right.” He took a frustrated breath and then slowly let it out. “Master, why did you bring me here?”

“Oh. I just,” Nandor looked a bit panicked, “I needed your assistance.”

Now it was Guillermo’s turn to lift an eyebrow. “With what?”

“With, um…” then Nandor looked at his hand where he had been holding on to something. “Oh, yes, with this! Look at the state of it. You must have cleaned it too hard and now it’s all messed up. You need to fix it, right now.” He held out what looked like a long, twisted piece of golden metal.

Guillermo opened his mouth to protest and once again remind Nandor that it was his freaking day off, but then his eyes caught the edge of a golden sun coin, and he realized the twisted metal was Nandor’s necklace that he had put on him only two hours ago.

“Master, what happened?” Guillermo stepped closer to look at the necklace.

“What do you mean, what happened? I told you, you cleaned it too hard or something.” Nandor whined, dropping the necklace into Guillermo’s hands. “You are being too careless!”

Guillermo looked up at him, because the metal wasn’t just twisted, there were distinct finger-shaped marks on it, as if it was squeezed, hard.

Then there was a loud, slightly slurred voice from a few yards away, “Dude, I’m telling you, he just disappeared!”

“Oh my god, you are sooo drunk, Derek.” Shanice said, also slurring slightly.

Guillermo looked over and saw that the group was walking almost directly towards them.

“Shit. Master, you need to go. I mean, I’ll get this fixed for you, but I’m sure Laszlo and Nadja are looking for you, right?” Guillermo said this with relative calmness but his heart was beating hard.

“They went to have an orgy with some vampire-ogre people and then they were going to eat them. You know how messy of an eater Nadja is after an orgy! Last time she sprayed all over my best jacket!” Guillermo vividly remembered that night three years ago, when Nandor had shouted for him and Guillermo walked in on a half-naked Nandor whining about his jacket which was soaked in blood, and surrounded by dead naked bodies everywhere.

“Okay, but I’m sure Colin has lots to tell you about.” Guillermo glanced over as the group was only a few feet away now. “Please, Master, you have to leave now.” Guillermo rushed to say.

But it was too late, as Claude shouted, “Guillermo! Bro!” and the group trotted over. “Where have you been, man?”

“Dude, I thought you disappeared! You were there one second and then you were gone!” Derek gesticulated widely as he spoke, “I was like ‘whaaaa’ and then everybody was like ‘broooo.’”

“Oh yeah, sorry I just had to, uh pee really bad.” Guillermo said nervously. “But um, we should go home now probably .”

Tonya was cackling now, “Potty break for the best damn hunter EVER!”

“Yeeeah, I think we’re probably just gonna camp out here tonight,” Claude said, “Derek can’t drive and we pro- HOLY FUCK!” Claude jumped back suddenly, clutching his chest as he stared wide eyed at Nandor. “Fuck! Man, you scared the shit out of me!”

Nandor had been standing perfectly still and had blended into the darkness, so that only a faint outline could be seen. He took a step forward into more light.

The group then also jumped as they finally noticed Nandor. Guillermo stared wide eyed at the group and then at his master, unsure what to say or do.

Derek gaped up at the large vampire. “Dude, that is an AMAZING costume.” He inched closer. “That jacket alone must have cost a shitload.”

Nandor looked down at him. “Yes, it did cost a ‘shitload’” he said carefully.

Guillermo found his voice then and decided playing it cool was the best strategy. “Guys, this is Na-than. Nathan.”

“What’s up, Nathan!” Tonya said cheerfully. “Your costume is bad ass.”

Derek made his way closer to Guillermo. “How do you two know each other?” He wrapped his hand around Guillermo’s shoulders then.

Nandor’s eyes stayed on Derek and he said nothing.

“We uh, we’re roommates.” Guillermo said and immediately regretted revealing so much, even if he was technically a slave.

“Sweet!” Derek said, and then he was smiling wide at Guillermo. “So… Are you spending the night here with us?” His eyelids dropped a little as he looked at the vampire hunter.

Nandor then hissed loudly. Everyone stared at him.

“Damn, you’re really into your character, huh?” Claude said.

“Uh, yeah, I’m probably going to head back. I have to work tomorrow. And Nan- Nathan was just heading home too.” He said this meaningfully while looking at Nandor.

“Aw, laaame.” Shanice said. “Derek really wanted to bang you.” Then she clamped her hand over her mouth.

Guillermo’s eyes grew wide in shock and he turned red.

“Shanice! What the fuck!” Derek shouted.

“Well, _sorry_. It slipped! We all know you were going for it tonight anyway!” She shrugged.

“Is that true?” Nandor said calmly, almost nonchalantly.

The group started teasing Derek with a collective “ohhhhhh!” and laughed.

“Come on, tell us!” said Tonya

Derek looked very embarrassed, hesitated, and glanced around, avoiding eye contact with everyone, especially Guillermo. He breathed out, “I mean…I was hoping to segway into this with a little more romance, but,” He finally looked shyly at Guillermo, “Yeah.”

Then Nandor had Derek up with one hand around his neck and everyone began to scream.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May need to go back and re-write this one. I intended to move the story a long a bit more, but ended up fleshing this one out. I have the terrible habit of writing so late that I almost fall asleep in the middle of it. Which means this could literally all be gibberish but in my head, it makes sense. 
> 
> Thank you for all the love. Truly makes me smile so much to know some people are enjoying this story. I hope not to disappoint.

Everything slowed down, even the sound of his heartbeat. Guillermo was now familiar with this sensation. It happened each time he had to kill a vampire assassin sent after the housemates. He knew time didn’t actually slow down, but the immense shot of adrenaline tended to mess with your perceptions.

Guillermo’s hand instinctively went for the wooden stake holstered in his belt and he almost grabbed it, when he realized with a jolt the vampire that his Van Helsing blood was propelling him to kill was his master. He gasped, stopped, and instead jumped in front of Nandor, trying to pull his arm down.

“Master! Stop! Put him down!” Guillermo yelled, tugging futilely at the vampire’s immense arms.

In those few seconds that all of this happened, Shanice had let out a scream and Claude was chanting “Oh fuck! Oh fuck!” over and over again. Tonya had been scrambling to pick up the wooden stakes that she had tried to pull from her fanny back and ended up sending flying to the ground.

Derek only made choking sounds and stared wide-eyed at the vampire, clawing at the hand around his throat.

“What the _fuck_ is going on here?” came Laszlo’s strong voice.

Guillermo gasped with relief, “Laszlo! Nadja! You have to get Master to put Derek down!”

“Oooh, it’s the virgins. Nandor, were you planning to keep them all to yourself?” Nadja teased, looking around at the group and smiling. She eyed Claude with particular interest.

“Is that…is that _blood_?” Shanice exclaimed, looking at Laszlo and Nadja’s drenched clothes.

Nadja looked down at her black gown. Laszlo smiled lovingly, “You always do get a bit carried away, my love.”

“Guys! Focus! If Nandor kills him, he’s going to draw a lot of attention!” Guillermo indicated obviously with his hands at the fire pit where people were still gathered, the beating of the drums likely muffling the chaos that was going on just a few yards away.

“Hmm, Gizmo’s right. There are too many people.” Nadja observed, “Nandor, probably best to put him down. You can eat him later. You know how bitter they get when they are too scared. Yeck.”

Nandor slowly moved his gaze from Derek to Nadja. “He was trying to steal my familiar.” He said menacingly.

“Oh, come now, Nandor. He’s just a silly human. Look at him.” Nadja shook her head. “How could he steal your familiar?”

“Hold on, what are you wearing, Gizmo? And all these virgins?” Laszlo pointed at them, raising his voice in alarm. “Are those fucking wooden stakes?!” he exclaimed.

Guillermo froze.

Nandor looked at him then, and his eyes traveled down to the chest rig and belt that Guillermo had on. Derek was still choking. “Guillermo, why do you have those?” asked Nandor calmly.

“It’s nothing, Master. It’s just a costume, for vampire theme weekend.” Guillermo struggled not to stutter. “Please put Derek down.”

“You little shit,” said Laszlo, “You’re going around with these dangerous things strapped on, and you could kill any one of us!”

“Oh stop it, Laszlo. It’s Gizmo. I mean, you honestly think _he_ could kill one us?” Nadja said, raising her eyebrows and smirking at the thought.

“It’s just a costume!” Guillermo repeated. “I just didn’t want anyone to get suspicious and find out I live with vampires. I was trying to protect you guys.”

“I don’t know, dear. This all looks fishy to me.” Laszlo speculated.

Nandor squeezed Derek’s neck a little harder and Derek began to convulse.

“Oh damn it, Nandor, put the stupid, bloody boy down!” Nadja lifted her hands in frustration.

“Master, please. You’re going to put all of us in danger.” Guillermo pleaded.

“Alright, Nandor, looks like we really are attracting some attention now,” Laszlo chimed in, looking behind as some people started to look over.

“NANDOR!”

At that, Nandor looked at Guillermo, surprised. His familiar had never addressed him directly by his name, much less yelled at him like that.

“He’s not trying to steal me.” Guillermo said calmly and evenly. “I promise. But I will leave if you kill him.”

Nandor frowned, then lowered Derek and let him drop.

Derek coughed violently and took short gasping breaths, holding his bruised throat. The rest of the hunters had just been staring at this point, frozen with fear.

“Ugh, he’s going to taste funny. Look at him, he even urinated himself. Disgusting.” Nadja cringed.

“You guys cannot eat them!” Guillermo took his eyes from Nandor, who was still focused on him, and looked angrily at the vampire couple.

“Why the hell not?” Laszlo demanded, lifting his chin up.

“Because they’re my friends!” Guillermo breathed in deeply. “They are off limits.”

“Did you hear that, Nandor? I told you!” Nadja crossed her arms.

Then there was the distinct clinking of metal getting closer and closer. “Hey guys, look who I found.” said Colin Robinson still in his knight armor, followed by two vampires.

“Ohhh, Kezia, Danior, is that you? What are you doing here?” Nadja greeted them happily. “It’s been years!”

“Nadja! Laszlo!” said Kezia, a tall brunette with clothes and an accent very similar to Nadja’s “What a surprise!”

“We’ve been coming here for ages,” Danior said, a blond vampire dressed in a dark purple velvet suit. “It’s truly one of the best places to get the tastiest virgins!”

“We’ve only just discovered this place, it’s been truly exceptional,” Laszlo said.

“But what have we here?” Kezia tutted, looking at the vampire hunters and wrinkling her nose. “These virgins are spoiled, their fear is stinking up the whole place.”

“It was all Nandor’s fault.” Nadja responded, rolling her eyes. “Perfectly good virgins.”

“Don’t fret, Nadja, we have a very nice set up going on at the campgrounds for the weekend. We even have extra coffins! We’re expecting at least 7 virgins for tonight. Would you care to join us?” said Danior.

“Well, we’ve already eaten for tonight, but Laszlo, dear, what do you think?” Nadja looked at him.

“Oh fuck it, why not, my love? We can indulge more than once.” Laszlo smiled.

“Yay!” Nadja clapped. The group started to walk away and then Nadja turned, “Are you coming, Nandor?”

Guillermo closed his eyes and took a few breaths, mostly of relief that his friends weren’t about to get eaten.

“Guillermo.” Nandor said.

The familiar opened his eyes and looked at his master, “Yes, Master?”

“Are you still wanting to, uh, be my familiar?” He asked shyly, picking at the hem of his jacket. His demeanor had completely changed – whereas moments ago he was the angriest Guillermo had ever seen him, he was now almost back to his regular self.

“Of course, Master.” Guillermo said in a low voice.

“Oh.” Nandor looked up. “Well, good.” He looked uncomfortable. “I supposed we should go home now.”

“Right. Yes.” Guillermo responded.

“Nandor, are you coming or not?” Laszlo called out.

“I’m not very hungry right now. Thank you, Laszlo.”

“Your loss.” Laszlo shrugged and the vampires walked away, Colin Robinson’s armor clinking along.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with them, Master?” Guillermo tilted his head.

“I already ate.” Nandor said dismissively. “Now drive us home, Guillermo.”

“Oh, I can’t drive, Master. I’ve had too much to drink, I think.”

Nandor sighed. “Well, then what are we supposed to do now?” he whined.

“You could just stay in the van, maybe? It’s blacked out so you’d be safe there.”

“I don’t know.” Nandor hesitated.

“I could probably borrow a coffin and put it in there.” Guillermo offered. He had no idea how he’d lift an entire coffin in a van though.

There was a retching sound and both Guillermo and Nandor looked over at Tonya, who was hunched over and vomiting.

Nandor made a disgusted face.

“Um, Master, can you make them forget about…all of this?” Guillermo asked.

Nandor rolled his eyes. “Very well.” Nandor stood in front of the group and waved his hands in front of their faces. “You will forget that I was ever here and all that transpired, and you will not steal my familiar. And you will stay virgins forever.” Nandor put his hand down. “There, done.” The vampire hunters stood there, blank faced.

“Was that last part really necessary?” Guillermo asked.

Nandor looked him, lifting one eyebrow slightly.

“Sorry.” Guillermo said.

“Take me to this vans.” Nandor said.

“Yes, sir.” Guillermo kneeled down to retrieve the keys from Derek’s pockets and lead the way, feeling a little bad for leaving the hunters alone, but he figured they’d find somewhere to sleep for the night.

Now he just had to figure out where he’d sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short scene. Sorry, all. Hopefully it's okay. Writing extremely late as always. At this rate, I've been getting about 4 hours of sleep. Probably need to stop doing that!
> 
> Thank you for reading anyway!

The walk to the parking lot was a bit awkward, as Guillermo lead and Nandor walked with an air of royalty, his coat flowing behind him. Several people stopped them to comment on their outfits and a few wanted pictures, but Guillermo had to tell them that Nandor was a performer and wasn’t allowed to take pictures right now because of copyright law or some bullshit. Nandor seemed to enjoy the attention, nonetheless.

“It seems I look pretty cool, eh, Guillermo?” Nandor said happily. His accent stretching out the word ‘cool’.

“Yes, Master.” Guillermo smiled tightly. Nandor was sometimes prone to vanity. Not that he didn’t have a reason to be.

Once they reached the lot, Guillermo realized he had no idea where the hunters parked. He started clicking on the car remote alarm and walking around.

“What are you doing, Guillermo?”

“Looking for the van. This may take a while, Master.” Guillermo strolled quickly down each row, pointing and clicking.

“Ugggh, how much longer, Guillermo? This is booooring.” Nandor complained, following Guillermo through each row.

“Sorry, Master. It’s hard to see and there are a lot of trees.”

Nandor sighed, “What does this vans look like?”

“Um, it’s big and white. Has a fish decal on the side.”

“Fine. I’ll look for it.” Then suddenly Nandor turned into a bat. He flew off and Guillermo just stood there.

“Hey.”

He turned around and saw a Hispanic, slightly pudgy young man dressed up as generic Shakespearean bard. He had a lanyard on that said Staff. Guillermo squinted to see him better in the dark. He vaguely remembered him but couldn’t place where.

The man smiled knowingly, “You bought your ticket at my booth. Mike.” He pointed at himself.

“Oh. Yeah, hey.” Guillermo smiled politely.

“I really like your costume.” Mike said, then he looked around. “Are you here by yourself or are you waiting for someone?”

“Um, I’m just enjoying the night for a bit. Getting some fresh air.”

“Cool, I was just heading to my car to get my second costume. For afterhours.” He wiggled his eyebrows exaggeratedly. “It’s true what they say, y’know.”

“Uh, what?” Guillermo frowned.

Mike laughed. “I’m just being stupid. It’s just that the afterhours party can get crazy. I have to work it tonight. Are you interested? It’s actually pretty fun.” He stepped a little closer.

“Ohhh. Nooo. Yeah, no. Thanks.” Guillermo said awkwardly. He remembered what Derek had said about the afterhours party and he had been around enough orgies to know he never wanted to be in one. If that’s what Mike was actually suggesting.

“No worries. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea.” Mike smiled. “but can I get your number maybe?” He took out his phone and held it up hopefully.

Guillermo then registered that the young man was flirting with him. He tried not to fidget. How was he suddenly being hit on by two people in the same night, in the same _year_?

Then the shadow behind the man moved. “You need to run along now.” Said Nandor in a low voice.

Mike jumped in the air and whirled around to see Nandor standing tall and imposing, looking down at him like an insect. “Jesus!”

“Mas- uh, you’re back.” Guillermo said by greeting, also a little started by Nandor’s sudden appearance.

“He’s not interested your phone number or your parties,” Nandor continued, his dark eyes gleaming.

“Oh, shit. Um, sorry, man. I didn’t know he was with someone. My bad.” Mike held up his hands, backed up, turned, and walked away quickly.

“Master, you…er…” Guillermo was a little lost for words, not understanding what just happened.

“I found the vans. It’s over here.” Nandor said excitedly. Nandor’s demeanor was back to normal, as if nothing was wrong or as if he hadn’t just scared off a man for no reason.

Guillermo followed him down a row silently, while Nandor spoke about how he had flown over a spot not too far off in another row, where there was a big naked lady with her bosoms being drenched in beer by several people. Then he recounted how he once bathed in the blood of several enemies to make his hair shinier.

They reached the van and Guillermo unlocked the back. The partition doors separating the cabin from the rest of the van were open, so Guillermo climbed in to shut them.

“Is this really safe, Guillermo?” Nandor asked nervously. “What if it opens in my sleep?”

“It’ll be fine, Master.” Guillermo locked the partitions in place and turned on the two tiny lights above them. “I’ll be here.”

Nandor climbed in and shut the doors. “It is quite roomy in here,” he looked around. “This must be like what those rich vampires sleep in.” He looked quite pleased at the prospect of sleeping in the van now. “But there is no cushions. We need cushions.”

“I’ll go look for some if you want.” Guillermo made to move, but Nandor put an arm out, going to grab his hand, but hesitated at the last minute and pulled back.

“No need, Guillermo. I’ll just…” Nandor looked around. “I’ll just use your coat.” He said finally.

“But Master, I need it to stay warm.” Guillermo clutched his coat to himself. Nandor’s own coats were thick and heavy – they would be more than enough for most people. But not Nandor.

“And you expect me to sleep on this hard floor, Guillermo?” Nandor said, exasperated.

“No, Master, but maybe if I run back into the faire, I can take some of the chair pillows from the main tavern. They are open 24/7.” Guillermo looked at his phone to check the time and realized with a start that it was only 10pm. This whole time, he had somehow, whether due to the several shots of adrenaline or the events of the night, believed it was 5am and that Nandor needed to go to bed, but Nandor’s day wasn’t even halfway through. He frowned. “Master, it’s not even midnight.”

“So?” Nandor asked.

“So, why are you going to bed now? Did you not get enough sleep today?”

Nandor smiled uneasily. “I just wanted to inspect this vans to make sure it was secured for my slumber later. Sleeping away from home can be very dangerous, Guillermo. You must always be prepared.”

“But then why don’t you just fly home? You have plenty of time. I can just sleep here for the night until I’m okay to drive.”

“Sleep here, at this faire?” Nandor asked, slightly alarmed. “No, Guillermo. You must stay with me, in case something happens to me.”

Guillermo lifted an eyebrow, thinking Nandor was being very odd. “I mean, Master, it’s still my day off, and I’ve already worked extra hours, so I’ll be off until probably 2 or 3am now.”

Nandor looked quickly at his familiar, “You and your damn day off. It has been causing me nothing but troubles, Guillermo!” he responded, indignant.

“You can’t go back on your word, Master.” Guillermo shot back.

“Nobody is going back on their word.” He said dismissively and frowned.

“Okay, well. You can wait here. I’m going to see if I can at least help my friends get to a tent to rest in.” Guillermo shuffled over to the back doors and went to open them, when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

“Are you going to leave me, Guillermo?” Nandor said softly, removing his hand slowly.

Guillermo turned around and sat next to his Master. This was the third time Nandor had brought up the subject in some way. A few things began to click into place. Somehow, Nandor thought Guillermo was going to quit being his familiar. Was it because he had friends now?

“Master, I’m still your familiar. Just because I have friends now doesn’t mean I’m going to leave you. It’s not like that.” Guillermo said, smiling just a little at the thought that Nandor was protective of him in that way.

“Yes, well, I don’t want any interference with your duties. If you become careless, it will be very inconvenient.” Nandor said, pretending that he wasn’t just caught out.

“Of course.” Guillermo smiled again. Then his phone pinged. He took it out and read the message. It was from Derek.

_Derek: Heyyyy 00 I must b havin sum kinda bad trip cause I feel like suuuper hazy right now wWhere r u????_

_Me:_ _I felt really sick so I went home. Do you have a place to sleep?_

Nandor sat still next to Guillermo. A second later, Derek responded.

_Derek: Yea totes foundthis cool group_

_Derek: They r gonna let us stay in theirr tent so its allll good_

_Derek: Too bad u left cause man u looked hot tonight man_

Guillermo blushed, in spite of himself. It was nice to be, well, appreciated. Sometimes even ogled. He put his phone back in his pocket. He supposed he should still go check on them.

“I should go, Master. I’ll be right back.”

Guillermo didn’t even get a chance to move before he found himself pinned against the wall of the van and Nandor looming over him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say that your comments are literally giving me life? Y'all are amazing. Seriously. And thank you for your concern about my lack of sleep during this series. I finally got some decent sleep last night! :)
> 
> That being said, sorry for the late update! I have mixed feelings with this chapter. I wrote half of it while literally half asleep two days ago, and the rest came in spurts. I tried to edit for once. I took out too much, put back in way too much, took some more out, and basically just decided to do as Laszlo does and say "fuck it." I'm sorry if it's garbage. Honest feedback is really appreciated! (I can take it, I promise.)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

Guillermo had sort of fallen for Nandor the first time they met. He had the long dark hair and even an accent, just like Antonio Banderas in Interview With A Vampire. It was hard for a young, naive Guillermo not to draw comparisons. Plus, Nandor was an actual freaking vampire. Throughout the years though, Guillermo had done a pretty good job of letting those feelings dissipate, mostly. There remained a low simmering undercurrent of emotion, safely layered under years of stress, anger, and frustration that were par for the course for familiars.

So, it came as a bit of a surprise to Guillermo, when he suddenly felt, mixed in with fear and confusion, a strong surge of arousal, as the vampire towered over him, pinning him down and coming closer. Guillermo felt himself moving forward, despite his survival instincts and his Van Helsing blood screaming at him. His head titled upwards and he closed his eyes, puckering his lips slightly. The moment seemed to drag on, the anticipation building, his heart fluttering, and his breath stalling.

“Guillermo, what are you doing?” Nandor said suddenly.

Guillermo snapped his eyes open. “Oh. Oh shit. I just…I…” Guillermo began to squirm in embarrassment, trying to get out of Nandor’s grip. “Oh, it’s just, nothing, Master.”

“Were you trying to kiss me?” Nandor asked suspiciously and a little teasingly, not letting go of Guillermo, but pulling back just a little.

“No! No, of course not, Master.” Guillermo forced a laugh. “That’d be crazy.”

“Yes, it’d be very crazy, Guillermo. As you are my familiar.” Nandor said, slowly.

“Yes,” Guillermo forced another laugh and then he felt himself on the verge of a patented Guillermo De La Cruz panic attack. He began to really struggle in earnest as his adrenaline started to take over.

“Guillermo, stop it, you’re going to mess up my outfit.” Nandor complained, still not letting go of him.

Guillermo kept pushing, not making any headway against the immense strength of the vampire, only able to move his hands and lower arms around. Then he felt a very sharp scrape against his arm causing him to yelp and instantly take him out of his panic. He looked down at his arm at the same time Nandor did. In his struggle, he had cut himself down the forearm with one of the wooden stakes strapped to his chest rig, slicing a little through the jacket and his shirt. Blood pooled along the cut.

“Damn it.” Guillermo sighed. “Master, if you could release me, I’ll go wash up.”

“Just clean it up here, Guillermo. Just don’t bleed all over the floor. I have to sleep here, y’know.” Nandor said, shaking his head and finally letting go of him.

“It’s just a quick walk to the water fountain.” Guillermo said, sitting up straight. “I’ll just be a minute.”

“I said no, Guillermo.” And here, Nandor’s voice was a bit more stern than usual.

Guillermo finally had enough of that. “Is something wrong, Master? You have been, like, super weird tonight. You’ve been slinking in the shadows, scaring people, and you aren’t even letting me have my day off.” He made to cross his arms but the cut stung and he clasped his hands instead.

“I have not been ‘slinking’, I’m a dark and mysterious vampire – I _lurk_.” Nandor said, annoyed.

Guillermo tried not to roll his eyes, “Okay, but I’ll have to make these hours up tomorrow or maybe part of Wednesday.”

“Well, if you would stop being so disobedient and going around with all these ‘friends’ of yours, I wouldn’t have to…to…” The vampire stopped awkwardly.

“To what?” Guillermo asked, now getting annoyed at Nandor being so childish and not letting enjoy his time off. When Nandor said nothing and just looked away, Guillermo did roll his eyes now and took off his coat and chest rig. He liked this coat. He rolled up the sleeve from his button up and inspected the cut. “Well, at least this will heal up.”

Nandor sniffed and kept his eyes averted in a manner very reminiscent of a toddler.

Guillermo’s phone pinged twice with a text and he took it out to check. But before he could unlock his phone, it was out of his hands and crashing against the back doors of the van, falling in two pieces. Guillermo’s mouth dropped as he stared at his phone and then at Nandor in disbelief.

“Wha-“ and then he was on his back, held down by the wrists on either side of his head and with Nandor on top, kneeling over him.

“No more Derek.” Nandor growled.

“But Mas-“

“ _No_.” Nandor bit out, his hair cascading down his face as he looked down at Guillermo with dark, intense eyes.

Guillermo simply nodded. This side of Nandor, he had never seen. Ever. He didn’t even know this side existed.

Nandor’s eyes went to Guillermo’s rolled-up sleeve and they traced the cut down his soft, warm tan arm. He crouched down and without hesitation, began to lick up the blood, slowly.

The wet, hot tongue on Guillermo’s skin made him jerk violently in surprise and for what seemed like the dozenth time that night, Guillermo just stared, the air trapped in his throat. Oh God. Was he going to eat him?

Nandor kept licking, licking down his arm, lapping up the blood leisurely, then past the cut, and down to his wrist, slowly and delicately, moving his own hands away and placing them on Guillermo’s thighs.

Guillermo felt intense heat pool in his groin, and as Nandor reached a particularly sensitive area on his wrist, Guillermo gasped. “Master.”

Nandor looked up, his tongue still on Guillermo’s wrist, and a little smile pulled at his lips, revealing his fangs. “Yes.” Nandor said, then he was kissing his familiar’s wrist, gently, his lips warm and light.

His left hand moved up Guillermo’s thigh slowly and Guillermo still couldn’t breathe. His erection was straining, and his mind was going a mile a minute, trying to explain what was happening, trying to _think_. As Nandor’s hand moved up, his mouth moved to Guillermo’s fingertips, slowly licking the pad of each one.

Guillermo squeezed his eyes tight and felt tiny electric pulses from each lick go straight to his cock.

“Breathe, Guillermo,” Nandor said in a low voice, his hand continuing to travel up and bumping into Guillermo’s erection trapped in his slacks. He stopped and looked up again, “Is that for me already?” Nandor said contently, in the same delighted way when he bought a new ‘As Seen on TV’ gadget or found something stupid in the bargain bin at the Dollar General. Guillermo breathed out hard and opened his eyes. The vampire moved up a little to gaze at his familiar’s face, a simple smile on his lips.

Nandor’s palm rested right over Guillermo’s cock and he pushed down, just a little. Guillermo choked and twitched – his arousal spiking and his cock getting fully hard now.

“There we go,” Nandor smiled wider and then he unbuttoned the slacks with a flick and eased down the zipper, pushing down his boxers. The second his hand grazed Guillermo’s dick, Guillermo gasped loudly. “You are very sensitive, Guillermo.” Nandor wrapped his fingers slowly around the shaft, his large hand enveloping it easily. He tugged just a little and watched Guillermo’s face as he did.

Guillermo couldn’t hold it in and moaned, tilting his head back, closing his eyes again. Nandor began a light, slow movement, up and down. Guillermo clutched at his own shirt, wrinkling it into oblivion, as he let the sensation flow down his chest and his toes, pulsing through his cock.

Then Nandor stopped, sitting up, and Guillermo breathed, opening his eyes. Nandor watched him for a second and then began to unclasp his own coat, one button at a time. Guillermo couldn’t remember the last time he saw Nandor disrobing himself. Despite his haze, he moved to get up. “Let me do that, Master.”

Nandor put a hand on his familiar’s chest and stopped him, “No.” he said firmly. “I want you to watch.”

“Um.” Was the only thing Guillermo could say. It seemed weird to just look at his Master take off his clothes when Guillermo did it every day, but as he watched, he realized there was a huge difference. For one, Nandor never looked at him like he was now, smoldering and dark and seductive. It made Guillermo’s skin prickle with heat. Nandor gracefully unbuttoned the coat and eased it off his broad shoulders, revealing a thick patterned vest underneath and white blouse. That’s when Guillermo noticed his Master’s very obvious hard on. He took controlled breaths and his fingers twitched, because now he really did want to disrobe Nandor, but in a completely different context than usual.

Nandor peeled off his vest, and opened up his blouse slowly, revealing his strong chest of thick dark curls. Guillermo moved then, his hands going for Nandor’s pants, his arousal blindly springing him to action. The vampire didn’t stop him and sat back a little to observe, as Guillermo’s hands deftly pulled at the thick leather cords that tied Nandor’s fly together, and in no time at all, Nandor’s dick was released with a small bounce. Guillermo blinked, because while he had, of course, seen Nandor naked and even erect before, being this close to him was new. Had Nandor always been so…prominent? And how was this ridiculous vampire this hot?

Nandor didn’t move and Guillermo didn’t think as his hand reached out to wrap around his Master’s thick shaft, which was already leaking copious amounts of pre-cum. It dribbled down Guillermo’s fingers quickly and Guillermo began to jack him off, mesmerized as the liquid kept flowing, helping lubricate everything amazingly well. Nandor whispered, “Yesss, Guillermo.” Guillermo dared to look up to watch Nandor’s face, half-lidded in pleasure, looking back at him. “Goood.” He said, drawing out the word.

Guillermo heated up at the knowledge that his Master was enjoying this and he pumped a little faster. Guillermo could feel himself getting worked up with overwhelming arousal, sweat starting to form at his temples.

“Do you like this, Guillermo? Pleasing your Master?” he smiled a little, blinking slowly, real curiosity in his voice.

“Ye-yes, Master.” And fuck, if Guillermo didn’t feel like he could do this forever. Watching Nandor become like this, at his hands. And Nandor letting him.

“Good. I think though, I do not have the patience for more. Not tonight.” At that, Nandor moved lightning quick and Guillermo was back down on the floor. Nandor placed his hands on either side of Guillermo’s head, pushing down on him with his lower body, their cocks rubbing against each other, Nandor’s pre-cum easing the slide as he rotated his hips slightly.

Guillermo choked out a moan. He couldn’t believe how incredible it felt, and Nandor repeated the movement over and over, until Guillermo was shaking. In the back of his mind, where he still had the ability to think, Guillermo wondered how this version of Nandor could exist. The vampire had always been this sort of airheaded, simple but harmless entity. Perhaps that’s what happened after living for over 700 years and fighting a hundred wars and governing and restarting his life over and over in various countries. But Nandor did have a more serious side, it just showed up in small ways that were easy to miss. Nandor often immersed himself in a book, even if he had read it two dozen times. He had random periods of introspection. And he protected Guillermo, when it truly mattered.

Nandor suddenly snapped his hips forward and Guillermo moaned loudly, coming out of his half-reverie. Guillermo experimented with moving his own hips and smiled when the vampire breathed out forcefully at a particularly delicious slide of their cocks.

“Guillermo,” Nandor whispered. “I’m going to fuck you now.”

Guillermo stopped breathing, the words causing his brain to short-circuit and his cock to twitch, the fire of arousal coursing through him.

Nandor slowly pulled the familiar’s slacks and boxers down and off, and he lowered his own pants a little more, his large cock fully hard and still leaking. He looked at Guillermo’s half naked body and smiled. His hands traveled up Guillermo’s soft thighs and he moved one leg apart. Guillermo let him maneuver him until he was spread wide. “You are quite flexible, Guillermo.” Nandor licked his lips, just a little, at the sight of Guillermo’s round, soft ass. He turned and grabbed his heavy coat, folding it a few times, then easily lifting Guillermo up and sliding the coat under his lower back before setting him back down. Guillermo began to shake with want and need and nerves and almost panic.

Guillermo had seen Nandor in orgies, not on purpose, and he had always been himself – playful, excited, and determined. Tonight, he just seemed different. Guillermo had a growing hope that maybe it was different.

Nandor caught sight of the look on Guillermo’s face. “Guillermo…” he started, then kneeled down and kissed him. Guillermo was momentarily stunned before his lips began to move in response, allowing Nandor’s tongue to sweep inside and his teeth, sharp and deadly, gently grazed his lower lip. Guillermo moaned softly – the feel of his master’s lips against him soft and overwhelming. Then he froze again as a large, slippery finger began to probe his hole, pressing gently just at the rim, sending sweet sparks of pleasure to his groin. This time Guillermo let out a groan, his toes curling. Nandor kept kissing him - his tongue curled and slid and swiped, hot and wet and perfect.

The vampire moved his finger inside a little more, slowly, swiveling and massaging, until he was deep inside and Guillermo felt his body pulse around it. Nandor growled just a little against Guillermo’s lips and pushed in deeper before beginning to push a second lubricated finger in.

“Oh.” Guillermo said softly in pleasure as Nandor lifted his head back to look at where his fingers joined Guillermo’s body. He worked his finger in slowly and began to pump in and out. Guillermo breathed sharply, eyes widening. The orgasm slammed into him in a huge wave and Guillermo moaned out loud, shutting his eyes tightly, his back arching slightly, as he came hard all over his stomach. Nandor kept moving his fingers through it and Guillermo’s body shook as the pleasure stuck to his spine like static, little zaps flowing through him.

Nandor slipped his fingers out and then moved back over Guillermo, hovering over him, his hands on either side of his shoulders. “I hope you know I won’t take it easy on you just because you are my familiar, Guillermo.” Nandor said, his fangs poking out from under his lips, making him look menacing.

While Guillermo was still shivering from the aftershocks, Nandor’s cock pressed against his sensitive entrance. Guillermo held his breath and Nandor waited until Guillermo took a gulp of air, and then he pushed in until he just breached him. Guillermo stopped breathing again, the intrusion feeling all at once sharp, odd, and wonderful. Nandor’s pre-cum was so abundant that his cock slipped in smoothly as he began to push further. Guillermo moaned at the girth that stretched him so well.

“Oh, Guillermo.” Nandor said, a bit astonished. “You are very tight.” And then his face relaxed and he smiled, “This is going to be very good, I think.”

Then he pushed in and in until he was flush against him. Guillermo trembled a little and his spent cock ached, cum dribbling down, and it twitched with renewed interest. He tried to force himself to breathe and each breath heightened the feeling of his ass being filled with Nandor’s cock. Nandor was so hot and huge inside him and it felt so much better than any orgy dildo he had had to test.

Guillermo looked up and followed the contours of his Master’s face. At once beautiful and dark and open and innocent. Nandor was gorgeous, in all his ridiculousness and ignorance and jealousy. _Oh_.

Nandor was jealous. Jealous of others hitting on his familiar. No, hitting on _Guillermo_. It wasn’t about him being stolen away as a familiar exactly, it was simply about him being taken from Nandor. Nandor _wanted_ him.

Guillermo felt the world tilt and in desperation for stability, he reached up to clutch at Nandor’s sleeves. Nandor began to pull out, slowly, and then eased his way back in, stretching him more and more. He began to speed up to a steady rhythm, pumping his cock inside Guillermo in measured movements, and Guillermo felt like his brain was melting. The hot, wet slide of Nandor’s cock inside him, pressing tightly against the walls of his entrance, felt so incredibly good. He felt at once so full and still wanting more.

Nandor lifted Guillermo’s right leg and wrapped it around his own waist, and Guillermo nearly let out an embarrassing sound, as he felt a shockwave of pleasure that went straight up his spine and down his balls, making his chest seize. Nandor smiled knowingly. He pulled out slowly and pumped in quickly, pushing hard against Guillermo until he grazed the little cluster of nerves again, just there.

“Oh, _fuck_!” Guillermo exclaimed loudly, his breath becoming labored as Nandor began to move quicker, and harder, inside him. Nandor held him with one hand on his waist and another on his shoulder, keeping him in place. Guillermo’s cock was slowly getting hard again and his senses were beginning to undulate between ecstasy and gnawing desire. He started to moan with fervor, over and over, unable to stop himself as his Master kept fucking him, slamming into him.

“What do you mean you lost your keys?” came a loud female voice just outside the van.

Nandor kept pumping into Guillermo, while the human only vaguely registered the sound. Nandor smiled wider, baring his teeth, and his vampire strength and speed began to seep into his movements, his hips pumping so hard against the familiar, that there would be several bruises soon. Guillermo was desperate now, chanting, “Master…yes…yes…Master…oh…”

“Maybe I left the back unlocked.” Came a male voice, now closer. Guillermo blinked his eyes wide open as he finally registered his surroundings, pulling him out of that deep headspace where Nandor had taken him.

“Oh, shit. Master, wait, I think…” Guillermo tried to say but ended up groaning as Nandor took hold of his dick and began to pump it, smearing the cum up and down the shaft, making obscene noises.

“Hey, I think there’s someone in there. What the fuck!” Derek exclaimed. Guillermo heard the backdoor handle being pulled and he quickly looked over to make sure it was locked.

“Master, wait. We have to- to stop, it’s- Tonya and- and Derek.” Guillermo said between harsh breaths. Nandor didn’t stop and a crazy part of Guillermo almost burst into giggles. _Nandor the Relentless._

“Good.” Nandor said, a gleam in his eyes and then he twisted his wrist up around Guillermo’s cock at the same time that he slammed into him with so much force that the van shook.

Guillermo yelled out and his mind began to white out. Nandor continued with the same force, his hand pumping Guillermo, while his cock pushed so deep, so fast, and so hard into him. The van shook over and over with each thrust. Guillermo wailed and he grasped at the floor, trying to find purchase.

“You have to come now.” Nandor said, looking at him with pitch black eyes that seemed to glow. He leaned down close to Guillermo’s ear and whispered. “Come. Guillermo De La Cruz.”

Guillermo looked up at his Master, took in a quick, shaky breath, and began to come, his body pulsing and throbbing as the tide of pleasure swept through him from his dick through his limbs, a long moan escaping as the sensation zapped through his nerves and the elation overtook all reason. He felt his hole squeeze around Nandor over and over as he came. Nandor dropped down, placing his forearms on either side of Guillermo’s face, his hair brushing against the familiar’s temples, and he came with a deep animalistic growl that turned into a loud grunt, his hips still moving and pumping his cum deep inside Guillermo in such quantities that it began to trickle out in thick globs. Guillermo whimpered and gasped through it, and then Nandor slowed down and then stopped, his head resting on Guillermo’s forehead. Guillermo breathed, his body trembling.

“Holy shit. Dude. Whoever is in there just bust a huge nut!” Tonya said out loud and started cackling.

The laughter was enough to bring Guillermo out of his blissed-out state and replace it with panic. “Master…what are we going to do.” He whispered.

“Guillermo, stop talking. I’m having a moment here.” Nandor whined, all intensity having left him. “Vampires recover much faster than humans, you know. I’m already thinking of fucking you again, but since I am such a generous Master, I’m going to wait.”

Guillermo gulped. “Um, thank you, Master.” Guillermo couldn’t possibly go again. Especially not now.

“Hey! Whoever is in there, you better get the fuck out!” Derek yelled, banging on the door.

Nandor sighed and then slowly pulled out, the squelch of cum loud in the van. Guillermo winced and hissed as Nandor’s length eased out of him. The cum dribbled down from his hole and Nandor, sitting up, smiled, watching with delight. Guillermo turned red and made to move but yelped at the pain. His ass was bright red and his hole was raw and spent. Nandor only smiled wider. Then he bent over and stretched out his arms toward the familiar. Guillermo lifted his arms in return, smiling.

“This isn’t a hug, Guillermo.” Nandor said derisively, then lifted him with one hand and slipped his coat out from under him with the other. Guillermo dropped his hands in embarrassment he was all too used to.

Another bang came at the door. “I’m going to call the cops if you don’t come out!” Derek yelled.

“Dude, just let them fuck. Though, it sounds like they’re already done.” Tonya said with laughter in her voice.

“Man, gross!” Derek exclaimed in disgust.

Nandor got dressed so quickly and impeccably, that Guillermo wondered what the fuck he was doing dressing him for 30 minutes every day for the past 10 years when the vampire could do it in under a minute. Nandor moved to the back of the van.

Guillermo startled, “Wait! Master! What are you doing?! They’re out there! They’re- they’re going to know what we did!”, he yell-whispered. He sat up straight and winced again at the cum still dripping out. He managed to put his pants back on, gritting his teeth through the pain in his ass. “You can’t go out there! They’ll know!”

Nandor smirked, “Yes, he will.” Then he opened the doors.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH for your wonderful, amazing, sweet comments. I can't stress enough how happy they made me. 
> 
> I also do love me some constructive criticism. I know the previous chapter might have been a bit much, so I'd love feedback.
> 
> A huge special thank you to those who commented on every chapter (you know who you are) and expressed constant words of encouragement - you kept me going! <3 <3 <3
> 
> Here is the last chapter. I hope you enjoy.

_Interviewer: So, any updates since the break?_

Laszlo sat in his chair and smiled conspiratorially at the camera. “Well, don’t let this get around but, Nandor had a bit of a knee trembler with Gizmo at the Renaissance Faire last week. Made quite a show about it. I mean, certainly vampires have fucked their familiars before, but Nandor _really_ fucked his familiar, if you know what I mean.” Laszlo leaned in and winked. “But other than that whole affair, it was very enjoyable. My darling Nadja and I ended up just gorging ourselves with virgins. We stayed in one of those ultra-modern hotels on wheels, as they say. All the best amenities and very plush guest coffins. Sometimes it’s worth fraternizing with those well-to-do bastard vampires. Wait, they won’t see this will they?”

\--

Nadja sat next to the Ghost Nadja doll and shook her head, “It’s just kind of sad, isn’t it?” she glanced at the Nadja doll. “A vampire and a familiar? I mean, how does that even work? Where does he keep all the semens?” Nadja lifted her hands up in wonder and then looked wisely at the camera. “Vampires are known to produce quite a lot of semens, you know. It’s why those damn witches,” Nadja spit, “are always after my dear Laszlo.”

The Nadja Doll looked across at Nadja, “He is quite adorable though, isn’t he? The familiar. Remember that boy from the goat butcher’s?”

“Oh my goodness!” Nadja laughed, “I almost forgot about him.” She looked back at the camera, “You see, I had a thing with this boy back in my village. Oh, mother was quite livid. He was chubby and so cute. It was like having sex with a feather pillow.”

“With a huge cock.” The Nadja doll added.

“Oh stop, you’re terrible!” Nadja laughed.

\---

“I was able to harvest so much energy at the faire, that I had to bottle it up in these fairy jars.” Colin Robinson lifted black tinted jars filled with a pale glowing light. “It’ll be good for a snack later or when I’m on the go. You know how it is in the corporate world. Go, go, go.” He chuckled.

The camera focused on the armor that was now standing to the side in Colin’s room.

“Oh that? Yeah, I’ve decided to become a regular. I even got this cool lanyard for season ticket holders.” Colin lifted up his lanyard. “I couldn’t decide on rose gold or rosewood for the cord. I tried to text Guillermo that night at the faire to ask him but he never responded. I went with the rosewood. You know, rosewood is actually a type of tree, but the perfume rosewood oil is actually made from—”

The camera panned away shakily, and the interviewer and camera man began to back out slowly.

“Hey, where are you going?” Colin asked.

\---

“The faire was quite amusing,” Nandor said, sitting royally in his chair. “I very much enjoyed it.” He smiled.

The camera panned to Guillermo, who was standing near the wall politely.

“Um, it was…interesting.” Guillermo said shyly. “Yeah, I went with some friends.” Nandor rolled his eyes. “But well, things didn’t turn out as expected.” Nandor smiled at that.

_Interviewer: Laszlo mentioned that you and Guillermo…_

The camera focused back on Nandor.

“Oh, I knew Lazslo couldn’t keep his mouth shut.” Nandor tsked, throwing his arms in the air. “Well, yes, if you must know, something _happened_ at the faire.” He placed his hands on his lap and tapped his knees.

_Interviewer: You and Guillermo then…_

Nandor waved a hand carelessly, “Yes, yes. I did _penetrate_ him…a few times.” Nandor smiled with all his teeth.

Guillermo turned red and avoided looking at the camera.

_Interviewer: So, are you a couple?_

“A couple?” Nandor lifted an eyebrow.

_Interviewer: Yes, are you dating your familiar?_

“Dating?? Of course not. It was just a one-time thing. Dating my familiar. That’s crazy.” Nandor exclaimed.

_Interviewer: What about you, Guillermo? Are you dating anyone?_

“Oh.” Guillermo looked taken aback. “Um, not really. I mean, I suppose if the opportunity presented itself. I mean, I do have days off now.” 

Nandor gripped his knees and plastered on a fake, tight lipped smile.

_Interviewer: Do you have a preference?_

“Er…sort of.” Guillermo looked down at his shoes. “Maybe.” He looked back up and smiled a little.

_Interviewer: Would you be interested in a familiar/vampire dating app?_

Guillermo blinked, “That exists?” Guillermo glanced quickly at Nandor. “Uh, yeah, I’m interested.”

“No, you’re not.” Nandor said firmly, not looking at him. He looked at the camera without blinking. “No, he’s not.”

“Actually, I am.” Guillermo responded simply.

Then there was a flash of movement and Nandor stood in front of Guillermo, his hands against the wall on either side of his head, towering over him. Guillermo stood still and looked wide-eyed at Nandor. The vampire looked back quickly at the crew and bit out, “Turn that off.”

The camera lowered slightly but kept running.

“Guillermo…” Nandor growled, looking down at him.

Guillermo glanced over at the camera and smiled with a mischievous glint in his eye, as Nandor leaned in to kiss him.

_End._

* * *

  
Epilogue

_The weekend before…_

“Oh. My. God.” Tonya all but screeched. She clutched at Derek with one hand in shock. “Dude. DUDE.” She peeked behind Nandor at Guillermo who was still in the van.

Guillermo wanted to die and he felt his cheeks flame. He held his coat in front of him, hoping the cum wasn’t seeping from his pants.

Nandor smiled widely and looked directly at Derek as he called out, “Guillermo, make sure to put ice on your rear end, due to our _aggressive_ and _energetic_ fucking.” He stepped closer to Derek who was looking back and forth between Guillermo and the vampire, distraught. “I’m sure you will be _quite_ sore in the morning.” He looked incredibly smug. “Well then, I will see you at the house,” he almost sang. Then the vampire gracefully walked away, his coat billowing behind him, and he disappeared into the darkness.

Derek looked stricken and was unable to speak for a moment, as he stared at Guillermo who had shuffled from out of the van.

“Hey…” Guillermo said in a low, shy voice.

“HOLY SHIT!” Tonya exclaimed, bouncing over to Guillermo. “Who was _that_? Was that guy a performer? Oh my god. I can’t believe you guys fucked in the back of the van! Dude! That has to be the most epic Renaissance Faire story ever!” Tonya slapped Guillermo on the back.

Guillermo blushed and then smiled. “Thanks,” he said, then he remembered. “Oh, here are your keys…I, uh…I found them.” He lifted them up to Derek.

Derek looked like he was about to cry, but he squared his shoulders and composed himself, taking the keys. He walked over to the back of the van and looked inside, horror overtaking his face. “What…the…is that...there’s…there’s…oh my god, it’s everywhere!” He looked up at the walls of the van and his jaw dropped. “How?!” he wailed, clutching his head.

Guillermo knew that was probably his cue to go home.

Home to his master.


End file.
